Personal and spiritual growth require strong boundaries, but they’re sometimes difficult to stick to, especially in certain relationships or situations.
It’s better to create firm boundaries and enforce them consistently than to leave things vague, get frustrated, and try to repair broken (or nonexistent) boundaries later on.
How to establish strong boundaries?
First, decide what‘s important and where you want to focus your energy.
Maybe you’re someone who consistently stands up for yourself and only has boundary issues in one or two relationships. You may be able to tweak your processes slightly to solidify your boundaries.
Think of the specific concerns that you have, and create or adjust your boundaries accordingly. Does it get on your nerves when your partner uses your things without asking? Do you get in long conversations with friends when you need to be working on other tasks? Do you feel guilty when you say no to one or two people in your life, but generally find it easy to say no otherwise? Do you take adequate time for self-care?
What do you want things to look like in your relationships that currently have boundary issues?
You may also be a person who has trouble saying no in any circumstance and who consistently feels trampled on by those around you. In this case, you’ll likely want to start creating your boundaries from scratch, and you’ll need to take a deep look at your relationships and your overall patterns.
Do you tend to let people in before you know them well enough to assess their character? Do you consistently attract the same types of partners or friends who take advantage of you later on? At the beginning of your relationships, do you offer too much value and not ask for enough in return? Are you approaching burnout because you give all of your time and energy to other people?
Once you have an idea of the underlying issues, you can craft new boundaries to address them. Tune into your intuition, write down your ideas, and list them in order of importance. Maybe there are a few things that bother you about your interactions but that don’t seem important enough to discuss with friends and loved ones. Write them down anyway! This is your list of ideal boundaries that you’d prefer to have in your life.
Second, decide how you want to communicate and enforce your boundaries.
Are there relationships that you need to let go of entirely? Do you have friends who are generally supportive of your needs, but who you need to sit and talk with? Do you need to share your feelings with family? Or can you just explain where you’re at as things come up?
As well as looking at your current relationships, consider how you’d like to establish boundaries when you create new relationships. Keep in mind that it’s easier to set the tone early than to correct missteps after patterns and expectations have been effected.
Third, determine what to do if someone disrespects your boundaries.
Which transgressions are deal breakers and which aren’t? What boundaries are essential regardless of the situation, and on what boundaries are you willing to be flexible? How many trampled boundaries would you accept in a partnership? In a friendship? Would you be able to fully forgive someone who crossed certain boundaries of yours? (If not, those are essential boundaries, and transgressions are deal breakers.)
Once you decide what you’d accept and how you’d react, stick to your plan! Conflict and broken relationships hurt, but resentment, anger, and a lack of self-respect are far more detrimental in the long term.
Use the following crystals for assistance in establishing and maintaining firm boundaries.
For Assessing Relationships and Boundary Goals
For Communicating Boundaries
For Enforcing Boundaries
For Ending Misaligned Relationships
For Detaching From Expectations
For Manifesting Positive Results